Release Me - Urban Legends All in One Listing

†• Urban Legends - All in One Listing •†

Animal Legends

Cats will Steal Your Breath - Cats shouldn't be left alone with babies because they stick their noses in the baby's mouth and suck the baby's breath out. This is one of those old wives tales. Cats can however sufficate babies. But they don't suck out their breath. They like to get close to the warmth of their breath, and end up sleeping on their face. It also used to explain SIDS.

Killer Toilet Spiders - There is a spider called the South American Blush Spider that had hospitalized atleast 3 people in the Chicago area. The spiders would seek out damp cool places to nest, and the inside rim of the toilet was a great place. If you look it up, the only blush spider I found described to a small patch of varicose veins.

Worms - A mentally ill woman who didn't have great housekeeping skills had a lot of pets, mostly cats. The animals would go the bathroom where ever they wanted, when ever they wanted. They would usually go in the bedrooms of her three children. The woman's oldest son had gotten a worm egg is his eye from all the animal waste. The egg hatched and started eating the boy's eye, causing serious infections and the eye sunk back in his head. When the boy was finally taken to the doctors, the looked in his eye and saw that the worm had laid its own eggs. The worm along with the eggs were removed but the boy had his eye replaced with a glass eye. Soon after the children were taken from the house.

Sewer Gators - It used to be ok to buy baby alligators for a few dollars in Florida and Georgia. Many were bought and sold with out thinking of how hard it is to take care of an alligator. Hundreds of small alligators were then flushed down toilets or setfree to soon end up in city sewers. The alligators soon adapted to the environments of the sewers and lived to grow to full adult alligators. It became to the alligators being albinos who were blind from lack of light and they were said to have grow much larger than the "normal" alligators. Sewer workers, bums, or children who were in the sewers would dissappear when the rats were getting too few.

Rabbit Dried - A boy ran into his house one day yelling that his dog had just killed the neighbor's rabbit. The dad wanted to avoid the conflict it would bring. So he picked up the dead rabbit, gave it a bath and blow dried it's hair. He then snuck over to the neighbor's yard and put the rabbit back in the cage. When he returned home later that day he noticed a few police cars at the neighbor's house. Worried about what was going on, he asked the police. They had told him that some sick person had dug up his neighbor's dead rabbit, cleaned it, and blow dried it's fur...

Hot Dog - An old woman had just given her small dog a bath. Then she had an idea to dry him off in her new mircowave. She figured it would be ok to do since the microwave didn't seem to get that hot. She put him in for 5 minutes, the poor dog had then exploded.

Spider Bee-Hive - Once a girl back in the day of the bee-hive hair dues had always spent a lot of time fixing her hair. She decided it would be easier to get it to stay and not wash her hair. She slept in it every night and never once took it down. One day while getting ready for work, she noticed a small spider on her forehead. She started to pull her hair down and moving it around. Durning the night while she had slept one night, a spider had climbed into her hair and it had laid it's eggs in her hair. This is also told that one day while in school blood dripped down her forehead. She was rushed to the hospital and was pronounced dead. Same thing that a spider had laid it's eggs in her hair, but they hatched and started eating her brain. This is also told with numerous of popular big hair styles like a afro or the 80s poofy hair. Why this isn't true? No spider would lay it's eggs in your hair. They spend months in a place before they do lay the eggs. Also with the movement of a person, they wouldn't find it fit for a place to leave an egg sack. They also like cool damp places to lay the eggs. Spiders are pretty picky about where they do lay the egg sacks.

Snake Ache - A few boys where walking by a stream and they had taken a drink from it. They got spooked when they saw a snake nest near by. They were so frightened they had run home. A year later one of the boys was complaining of stomach ache. He had been taken to the hospital and when they took the X-rays, they saw something funny in his stomach, they had then pumped his stomach. In side all coiled up, there was a full grown snake.

New Carpet - An elderly woman had a new carpet laid by a professional. When the man had finished he was packing his things up, when he noticed a lump in the carpet. Angered, he grabbed a hammer and smashed the lump down. The next day the lady called the man, he had left one of his tools there. While on the phone, she asked, "By the way, did you happen to see my canary while you were working? He seems to have gotten out of his cage again" This one has also been told with a hampster, a dad and a son. Or the tools are a pack of cigarettes.

Activists Run - A small group of animal activist were protesting the slaughter of pigs at a farm. Suddenly the 2,000 pigs had broken out of the pin and tampled the activists to death.

Wedding Rice - Rice shouldn't be thrown at a wedding because the birds will eat it which will cause their stomachs to explode or causes hemorrhaging.

Dead Cat Bag - Two teen girls were driving to the mall one day and they accidently hit and killed a cat. They didn't want anyone espically children to see it s they put it in a bag and took it with them. They were going to get rid of it later. While they were in the mall parking lot, an old lady had grabbed the bag and ran off with it. The girls though it was sort of funny, so they decided to follow her to see what was going to happen. They walked around a corner and the woman was grabbing at her chest yelling "My God, the bag! The bag!" When the ambulance came and put her in it, a good sameritan grabbed the bag and put it with her in the ambulance, you know, since she was so worried about leaving it behind...

Dead Cat Package - One day a woman's cat died, so she had wrapped it in a package and took it to dispose of it. She had tried to put it in her apartment building's incinerator. Her landlord was there and pets weren't even supposed to be in the building. While on her way to work she tried to leave it on a bus, but a good sameritan gave it back to her. At lunch she tried to leave it at the restaurant she ate at, but the waitress gave it back to her. Everywhere she went there is always a good person to help her keep the package. When she got home, she decided to take one last look at her beloved cat but in it's place was a leg of lamb.

Bugged Ear - One a beach a young woman thought had felt a bug in her ear. She couldn't find anything so she forgot about it. Her ear started to hurt after a few days and she went to see a doctor. He checked her ear and thought she must have a earwing in her inner ear. He said it was too deep to remove, she would have to wait until it came out the other side. A few weeks later she had found a nasty looking bug on her pillow. She had put it in a jar and took it back to the doctor to see if that was the right bug. He said it was, but he also told her there was bad news. The earwig was a female and it had laid eggs.

Doggy Bag - An elderly couple had visited China and decided to have a authentic Chineese meal. They had a hard time making since of the menu and tried to talk with the waitress using hand signals. They also wanted their dog who went every where with them to get something to eat. The waitress seemed to understand and took the pup with her. She had later returned with their meals and they ate away. When they were set to leave, they asked for the dog back. The waitress told them that they had just eaten the dog. It is also told that the couple wanted a doggy bag for the dog and when she returned it was their rosted dog, kinda like the pigs you see.

Deer Me - A man who had gone hunting had got himself a big deer. The biggest he had ever killed, or even shot. He set up his camera to take some pictures, and walked over to the deer, he used the antlers to hold his gun. When he was ready for the camera to take the picture, the deer got up. Lucky for him, the camera got many good pictures of the deer running off with the gun!

Sweet Boy - On a family visit to a popular state park, a man and his wife spotted a bear. The man couldn't resist getting the "perfect picture" so he and his wife spread honey all over the boy's face. They were hoping that the bear would lick his face and they would get a nice picture. Sure enough, the bear licked his face, but not only that, he ate the boy's face.

Mexico Pets - On a trip to Mexico an elderly lady saw a small dog that had big eyes that she couldn't resist. She picked the dog up and from that point on in Mexico they were inseperable. When she was supposed to leave Mexico to return home, she couldn't leave her newly loved dog behind so she smuggled him over the boarder. When she got home her dog became very sick and she took him to the vet. Sadly the vet was unable to save the dog. She had decided to ask the vet what breed the dog was. The vet looked shocked and confused, he then said "That was no dog, that was a Mexican sewer rat."

Bullseye - a hunter had heard of some great game that was on a farmers property. He went to the farmer to ask if he could hunt on his property. The farmer said it would be ok if he would get rid of the bull he had while he was at it. The man agreed. He decided he would play a trick on his friends and tell them that the farmer said no. He told them he would teach the farmer and he would make him sorry for not letting him on the property. He stepped out of the truck with his gun, the other hunters started yelling with joy and jumped out of the truck and began shooting the other cows before the prankster could stop them. He and his hunter buddies paid the farmer for the dead cows. The farmer told them if they ever wanted to go hunting agian that there was a lot of pigs in the back that were cheaper than the cows.

Rich people's dogs - This young woman was once invited to a party at an elderly rich lady's home. She had arrived and the butler let her inside. She started to admire the house when she noticed a big dog in front of her. This dog was chewing the furnature, the curtains and easting away at the house. The elderly woman came and they had tea and she showed the young lady the house. All the while this dog was tearing up the house. The young lady couldn't believe that the elderly lady would allow her dog to act like that. She didn't want to seem rude so she didn't say a word. While she was leaving she told the elderly lady that she had a lovely time. The elderly lady replied with " I had a lovely time too, but next time can you PLEASE leave your dog at home?"

War dogs - In World War II Russians would train the dogs to carry bombs under tanks by putting food under the tanks. After the dogs were trained, the Russians took them out to the battle field. No so lucky for the Russians, the dogs knew the difference between the Russians tanks and the German tanks. So the dogs would run under the Russian tanks for the food.

Cars

Cement Cadillac - A cement truck driver was going to deliver a load of wet cement just around the block from his house. So he decided to go home for a quick cup of coffee with his wife. When he gets home he sees a shiney new cadillac parked in the driveway. Getting a little mad, he looks in the window of his kitchen and sees his wish having a cup of coffee with handsome rich man. His rage took over him, so he got in his truck and filledthe caddy with his left over cement. His wife came running out of the house asking him why he had just poured cement over the new car she had just had delivered for him.

No Radio - A man had his car broken into a lot and his radios stollen, so when he bought a new car, he asked that there be no radio. He put a sign on the windshield when he parked that said in large letters "NO RADIO." One day he came back to his car and very upset to find his window broken anyways. Next to his sign, he found a note that said "just Checking."

Dear Jane, sell the Car - A man runs off with a younger girl. He sends his wife a Dear Jane letter telling her that he's not coming back. He also says he wants a divorce and tells her to sell his Porsche and send him half the profits. She runs an ad in the paper "Porsche for Sale, $20" and sends him a check for $10.

The Unstealable Car - A man bought a new sports car, his biggest fear was that it would be stolen. He went to great lengths to be sure that it didn't happen. Each night he backed the car carfully into the garage, then he chained the frame to the floor, set the alarm and locked the garage. One morning he walked into the garage and was shocked to discover the car was just as he had left it, but it had been turned around. On the seat there was a note, it said "When we want it, we'll come get it."

Rattle - A man had bought a brand new luxory sedan loaded wth all the extras and it was very expencive. The car was perfect, except for a persistant annoying rattle. The man took the car back to the dealer and had every part checked and tightened. It kept up with the rattle. Finally he had the car compeletly taken apart. Inside onf of the door panels they found what made the car rattle. There was serveral nuts and bollts tied to a string and it had a note attached, that said "I guess you finally found the rattle."

"Auto-Pilot" - An elderly couple had just purchased a brand new RV and headed off across country. The old man explained to his wife that the salesman had showed him how to the use the "auto-pilot." He said that all he had to do is puch the button that said "cruise" and relaxe. So the old man put on his "auto-pilot" and went in the back for a nap. He had just gotten comfortable when the RV went off a cliff.

10 Kilo Tank - A man looking to buy a used SUV finds a Lincoln Navigator at a police auction that was seizes from a convicted drug dealer. So he bids and wins the car. But when he fills the gans tank it won't fill all the way. So he takes it to a shop and the mechanic drops the gas tank and pulls it apart. In the gas tank they find 10 kilos of packaged cocaine at the bottom.

Deer in the Car - A hunter was returning home after a hunting trip, empty handed, when he accidently hit a deer. He knew it was illegal but he decided to keep the deer anyway. So he loaded it in the back of his stationwagon. As he drove the "dead" deer woke up and began thrashing around in the back. The hunter grabbed a tire-iron and tried to hit the deer in the head, but missed and hit his dog. The dog then attacked him. He swerved into a dtich and ran. He climbed up a tree to escape the angry dog and watched the deer tear apart his car.

Children

Babysitting Hippie - A couple had to resort to a new babysitter one night becausetheir regular babysitter was sick. The girl came highly recommended, but they were a little off put when she arrived and they found out she was a hippie. The couple was young and they were open minded, so they decided to go ahead and go out, but they would call and check on the baby and the sitter. When they called, the sitter told the woman that everything was "groovy" and she'd even stuffed and roasted the turkey for a nice dinner. The woman told her husband and it occured to her that they didn't have a turkey. When they got home, the were shicked to find the babysitter laying on the floor staring blankly into space. She had obviously done acid or some type of drug. They freaked, they started looking all over for the baby, but it was no where to be found until they came upon it in the kitchen, roasted and partially eaten, wrapped in foil.

Disguised Child - A small child was abducted from her parents at Disney World. The distrought parents were taken to a surveillance room filled with monitors to look for the child. They were almost ready to give up when the mother reconizes the child's shoes when a strange woman attemps to leave the part. The reason the only thing that the mom recongnized was because the child's hair had been cut and died and she had been dressed as a boy.

Beheaded by the Bus - A young girl was hanging her head out a window of a school bus when her head was lopped off by a roadsign.

Little Helper - A young girl watched as her mom yelled at her younger brother for again wetting his pants. She had been yelling that the next time it happened she would "cut it off." A couple days later the mom returned home to find her daughter at the door with a bloody kitchen knife. She said "He wet his pants again, but don't worry, it won't happen again because I did like you said."

Bad Babysitter - A young couple were waiting to leave on their vacation, they were getting impatient, and had been waiting to go on this trip for a long time. The woman's aunt was supposed to babysit and was half an hour late. The woman called her elderly aunt to find out if she was on her way. The old lady said she was sorry for her forgetfulness and said she would speed right over. Since the aunt was only a couple of miles away, the couple decided they would go a head and leave rather than wait and risk missing their flight. Two weeks later when the couple returned home, they were horrified to fine the baby still in the highchair where they had left it. Except now it was dead and covered with flies. The aunt really had sped, but unforunately crashed and died before she made it.

Careful what you do - A little girl had a cat, and when it had kittens, they would disapear after a couple of days. When she had asked her mom what happened to them, her mom said "God took them." Months later the cat again had a litter. Her mother sent her out to do some things for her. Before she left she wanted to play with the kittens again. She heard her dad coming she hid from him. He was carrying a bucket. She watched as her dad put the kittens in a sack and drowned them in the bucket which was full of water. Later the girl asked her mom again what happened to the kittens. "God took them," her mom told her. Several days later the mom asked the girl to watch her brother in the bath tub while she answered the phone. The mom screamed when she came back into the bathroom. The girl told her "God took him."

Pop Rocks - If you eat Pop Rocks and drink soda at the same time it causes your stomach to explode. You will sometimes hear this with the boy from the "Life" commercials, Mickey.

Worms - Two guys saw a kid fishing at the lake one day. Onc of them asked if the fish were biting, the boy looked annoyed and said, "No but the worms are!" Shocked and amused, the men laughed and went on. On their way back they were even more shocked to see the boy was slumped over his fishing pole dead, his "can of worms" were filled with baby water moccasins. - Water Moccasins are the only one North American poisonous water snake. Not to be confused at all with its many nonpoisonous neighbors, this snake is a pit viper in the same general family as the Copperhead and the Rattler.

Three Dead Children - A woman was giving her daughter a bath while her 3 year old son was supposed to be watching her infant. The boy found the soft spot on the baby's head and pressed his finger into it, which killed the baby. Terrified the boy ran out of the house and into the street where he was hit by an oncoming truck. The mom ran outside to see what was going on, and after she faced the death of her son and her babym she had found that her daughter had drown in the bathtub.

Car Seat - A couple went on a long trip, they were driving the whole way. On the highway, they decided to change drivers. As they changed places, they had left their infant on the roof of the car and drove off.

College/School Days

Bird Feet - A college student was given his exam in orinthology class. He looked at it and realized that he had no hope in passing it. The test was only identifying birds by the pictures of their feet. Angered the student decided not to waste his time and got up to leave. He threw his exam in the trash as he walked by the professor. The professor angerily asked the young mane what his name was. The student pointed at his feet and and "I donno, you tell me."

Blown tire - For some reason a gourp of friedns missed an exam in a class they all had together. They decided together that they would tell the professor they have been stranded with a flat tire. When they came in for the make up exam, they were handed out the test booklets but when they opened the booklets, the only question was "Which tire?"

The Blue Book - a college student was taking a two question essay test. But he only knew the second answer. In his essay book he faked the end of the first answer then wrote a very good answer to the professor for the second question. Not only did he get an 'A' but the professor apologized for losing the non existant first blue book.

The Answers in the Mail - A young college student was taking an essay test where he had no clue to the answers. So he wrote his mom a letter in the exam book telling her how well he had done on the essay test, and how much he enjoyed the class and the professors lectures. He then handed it in. After class he looked up all the answers, wrote them in another blue book and mailed it to his mom. When the professor dicovered the young man's "mistake" he agreed to accept the mailed exam as soon as the young man's mom could mail it back.

Time's Up - A student in a large auditorium class didn't stop working on his exam when the professor called "time's up" on the exam. When the student walked up to hand it in the professor told him not to bother, he had failed anyways. The young man got an angry tone and said "Do you even know who I am?" The professor replied that he didn't, so the student stuck his exam in the middle of the stack and said "Good."

One word question - A philosophy professor gives a final exam with only one quesiton "Why?" One student answers "Why not?" and gets an 'A'

Rules, rules, rules - A student at Oxford was taking an exam and there was rule dating back to medieval times, some of which were never removed. Well he asked for a mug of ale and a plate of scones. The ale and scones were given to him. At his next exam he was refused entry because he wasn't carrying his sword.

Professor's 'A' - A student that belonged to a fraternity that kept a file of all members' papers and exams came across a pretty old paper that he copied and resubmitted. Weeks later when it was returned with a 'A' there was a note from the professor that said "When I wrote this, I only got a 'C' I thought it deserved much better."

Christ Lesson - Students at a religious institute enrolled in a class of the life of Jesus. They arrived at their class to take a final exam and found a note that informed them that they would be taking the exam in a different class on the other side of campus. On the way there was a homeless man asking for help. None of them stoped to help the man, in a hurry to arrive in time of the exam. The instructor was waiting, when they entered they found that the beggar was an actor planted by the instuctor that was to test them. Since none of the student demonstrated that they had learned anything by studying the life of Jesus they all failed the test.

Open Book - A professor announced to a class they for the upcoming final exam they could use open book, and that they may use "Anything they can carry into the classroom." The day of the exam the professor is

Homosexual Roomate - A male student sees a doctor because his rectum is sore. The doctor checks him out and says that the pain is from homosexual activity. The student swears he is straight and he has never been involoved with such activities. The student later finds out that his gay roomate had been secretly anesthetizing and sodomizing him at night.

Psychology Experiment - A female student who was studying psychology decided to spare a room to a carpenter just to nag him all the time and study his reactions. After weeks of being nagged, he snapped and beat her with an ax, leaving her mental retarded.

Pencil Suicide - An extremly stressed student thought he couldn't take anymore during an exam. He put the ends of both his pencils up his nose and slamed his face into the desk.

Stolen Exam - A student stopped by the office of one of his professors and found that the professor had stepped out for a momeny, leaving a unguarded stack of exams for the next day's final. The student quickly grabs one of the exams and takes off. Before giving the exam the professor counted all the papers and noticed that one was missing. He cut one half-inch off the bottom of every exam before handing them out to the class. He then failed the student who turned in the test paper longer than the rest.

Resubmitted Term Paper - A student was offered a chance to buy a term paper for a class that was tought by a very hard professor. The paper had first got a 'B-' when it was first submitted but each time after it was given a better grade until it had reached an 'A.' The student asked the guy selling it, "What if the professor regonizes it?" The guy replied, "Don't worry, look at the comment I got last year." The comment read "I've read this paper four times now and each time I like it better!"

Resubmitted Term Paper #2 - A student in marine biology turned in a term paper with a very niceely drawn picture of a whale and got an 'A.' The next year a different student copied the paper and re-submitted it, who also recieved an 'A.' But the third year a student copied the same paper and re-submitted it as well, but that student forgot to add the picture of the whale. That paper only got a 'B' with a note from the professor saying "I liked it better with the whale."

Roomate Suicide - If a student's roomate commits suicide, that person will get straight 'A's for the term because they can't be expected to concentrate on their studies because of the grief and shock.

Courage Exam - A professor who was famous for his creative exam questions handed out the final exam to his class. This exam only had one question "What is courage?" The only 'A' given in that exam was a quiet young man who just wrote "This."

Commercial Bummers

Candy

Pop Rocks - If you eat Pop Rocks and drink soda at the same time it causes your stomach to explode. You will sometimes hear this with the boy from the "Life" commercials, Mickey.

Bubble Yum - This gum contains spider eggs.

Life Savers - This hard candy with a hole in the middle was created by a man who's daughter chocked to death on a "non-ventalated" candy, so he made them with an "air-hole" so that no one would choke to death on candy.

Cabbage Patch Kids

These dolls were modeled after mentally disabled children to get people used to what children would look like after a nuclear war.

A woman washed a cabbage patch doll in her washing machine and it was damaged badly. Since they were os difficult to come by, she send it back to the company hoping they would repair it. A few weeks later she recieved a death-certificate in the mail, and a bill for the funeral.

Disney

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves represent the seven levels of cocaine dependancy.

Finland once banned Donald Duck because he wears no pants.

The look of Tinker Bell in Peter Pan was based on Marilyn Monroe.

A private club can be found near Pirates of the Caribbean at Walt Disney World.

No one is ever declared dead while on Disney property.

The actual plane from the film Casablanca is part of The Great Movie Ride at Disney-MGM Studios.

The newly opened Haunted Mansion closed after a guest suffered a fright-induced heart attack.

Walt Disney's face appears on one of the singing busts in the Haunted Mansion's graveyard.

The horse-drawn hearse in front of Disneyland's Haunted Mansion is the actual hearse used to carry Brigham Young's body.

Disneyland's Skyway was permanently closed because a guest fell from one of the cabins.

One of the Three Little Pigs molested a female Disneyland guest.

Walt had to agree to construct a building that could be converted to a hospital in order to obtain financing for his Burbank studio.

Disney is offering $5,000 or a free trip to Disney World to those who help test a Microsoft "e-mail tracking program."*

Walt Disney prepared a film to be viewed by Disney executives after his death, in which he gave them all instructions about how to run their areas of the company.

Walt Disney was an illegitimate child.

Walt Disney was dishonorably discharged from the military.

Walt Disney wore a Goldwater button while receiving an award from President Johnson.

Walt Disney's body was put in cryonic storage.

Walt Disney's face appears on a bust in the Haunted Mansion.

Household Products

Febreeze is toxic and kills many animals.

Liz Claiborne: Racist

On The Oprah Winfrey Show, Liz Claiborne said her close weren't made for black women because their hips were too big.

She had also said on Oprah that she supports the Ku Klux Klan.

Marlboro: Racist

The Phillip-Morris Tobacco company funds the KKK. The box that the Marlboros come in you can see the 3 Ks.

Pharmaceuticals

There was a brand of diet pills that had the heads of tapeworms, inside people's bodies, they would regrow and people would start to lose weight. The only way to get rid of the tapeworms was to starve for days then site a bowl of warm milk infront of you and open your mouth. The hungry worms would smell it and crawl up your throat, out your mouth and into the bowl of milk.

Carmex is addicitve.

Waterproof sunscreen can make you go blind

Tampons contain asbestos to encourage bleeding so that women would use more of them.

Proctor & Gamble

In their old logo, the man in the moon, there was 666 written backwards in it's beard. Also if you connected the starts around him you would get more sixes.

P&G's old logo

The president of P&G appeared on Sally Jesse Raphael Show and announced that "due to the openness of our society," he was coming out of the closet about his assocation with the Church of Satan. he stated that a large prortion of his profits from P&G products go to support the satanic church. When Sally asked if stating this on TV wouldhurt his business, he said, "There are not enough Christians in the US to make adifference.

Corpses

Hide and Seek Wedding - After a wedding of a young couple the guests decided to go on a drunken game of hide and seek. It was decided that the groom was "it" and he finally found everyone but his bride. The groom grew angry and didn't think it was funny anymore and left her there. A few weeks went by and he had accepted that she'd run off and went on with her life, so did he. A few years later while a cleaning lady dusted off an old trunk in the attic of the building that the reception had taken place at, she decided to find out what was inside. In site the trunk was the rotting body of the missing bride who had apparently become locked in the trunk that she had hid it. How she died, starving, suffication, that was unknown, but her face was frozen in a scream.

Killer in the Back Seat - A young woman was geting into her car at a gas station and she noticed a creepy looking guy with a strange look on his face moving towards her quickly. She had heard of a man on the raido that had escaped from a mental instatution that was killing people. She got in her car and drove off fast. She then noticed the creepy man was following her in car! She paniced and drove home as fast as she could, swerved into the driveway and yelled for her husband. Just then the creepy man pulled in behind her and yelled "Lady! There's someone hiding in your back seat!"

The Hook - A teenage couple were parked at a local "lovers point" when the music on the radio was interruped by a Special Bulletin. A dangerous lunatic had escaped from a nearby mental hospital. He could be identified by the hook he had in place of his right hand. The girl insitsted on being taken home right away. When they arrived at her house, the frustraed boy marched over to open her door for her, and found hanging from the door handle, there was a bloody hook.

The Old Brandy - A couple had moved into a large castle that they had just bought. They were very excited and searched every nook and crannie of the place. In a large room underground, they found many empty barrels that had been tapped years ago. But one appereard to be full. They immediately tapped it to find that it contained a nice brandy. They drank and served it at parties, not only enjoying it's favor, but that it could have been hundreds of years old. Months later when the barrel ran dry they nocited it was too heavy to be empty. They cut it open and found a shriveled corpse curled up inside the barrel.

Nutty Nuts - A young woman was driving alone at night near a local mental instution when she heard that a dangerous lunatic had escaped. Within minutes she heard a popp and realized that her tire had gone flat. She finally built up the nerve and began to change the tire. Just as she had slid the spare on she had noticed a man in a plain white uniform staring at her from the bushes. Startled, she had dropped all the lugnuts and heard them as they scattered on the ground. She started to seach in the dark, very frantic, for the lost lugnuts. She heard the man slowly approaching. She started to shake and asked herself "What am I going to do now?" The lunatic replied, "Why don't you take one lugnut from each one of the other wheels and put them on the spare?" So she did, and was soon on her way.

The Headless Motorcyclist - A man on a motorcycle was passing an eight-teen wheeler carrying sheet metal when one of the sheets shifted and neatly cut off the motorcyclist's head. His headless body continued on it's path by the semu. The driver say the headless motorcyclist and immediately had a heart-attack. His truck swerved into a bus-stop full of people.

Crimes

Finger Snacks - A woman came home to her doberman choking on something. She grabbed him and put him in the car. She then drove her dog to the vet. The vet told her to go home while he operated to remove what ever it was lodged in the dog's windpipe. He said he would call her when she could pick her dog up. She had just walked in the door when the vet called and told her in a hurried voice to get out of the house right away. He said he would be by to explain in a few minutes. She watched from a neighbor's house as the vet arrived with the police and she ran over to see if her dog was ok and what was going on. The police ran into the house and the vet told her what her dog had choked on, two human fingers. The police found a man hiding in the closet nursing his mangled hand.

Attic Phone Call - A teen-aged girl was babysitting some children in a large old house. The children were watching T.V. in a bedroom when the phone rang. All the person on the other end did was laugh, she listened a bit, then hung up. After a few minutes, the phone rang again, same thing. She was getting upset and called the police who told her there was nothing they could do, but they would trace the call if it happened again. Ager she hung up, the phone rang agian. She hung up, and called the police right away. They told her to get out of the house immediately. The calls she was getting, were from the attic extension, where the children had already been murdered.

Dog Kisses - A young lady had been in her home alone when all she had was her faithful dog to protect her. She heard on a radio bulletin that a mental patent had escaped from a mental hospital near by. She hurried to lock the doors and went to bed. A dripping sound from the bathroom made it a little hard to sleep. She reached down under the bed to make sure her dog was by her side. He let her know he was there by licking her hand. The next morning when she woke up and went to the bathroom, she found her dog hanging from the shower nozzle blood dripping from his slit throat. On the mirro written in blood was the words "People can lick too."

Dinner?

Fast Food

McDonald's
- They Use worm-meat in their burgers to sayc on costs.
- Also serves kangeroo meat in their burgers to save on costs.
- No 2 countries that have a McDonald's fast-food chain has ever gone to war with each other.
- In the UK, McDonald's donates a portion of their profits to the IRA, a Irish terrorist group, so that the restaurants won't be bombed in campaigns.
- They us minute traces of chemical substances to make their food addictive.
- Milkshakes are made with lard.
- A child complained about being hurt in the ball pit and pointed out a small red mard on his behind. His mom noticed that somethinh like a splinter just under the skin. She made an appointment with the doctor to take a look at it. Within a few hours the child went into a coma and had died later. The splinter ended up being a needle from a syringe full of heroin that had been discharged in the pit.
- Milkshakes are made with seaweed.
- During the BSE scare McDonalds brought up cow carcasses that were "possibly infected" to use in their burgers.

Kentucky Fried Chicken
- Changed their name to KFC because they no longer use chickens. They have genetically created a food-animal that has no beak, feet or feathers and is fed through a tube until it reaches proper size. KFC can no longer advertise chicken because of this, you'll also notice that the word chicken has been removed from their menus and advertisements.

Subway
- The spokesman Jared died from his rapis weight loss.

Taco Bell
- A girl ate a taco that contained roach eggs. The eggs got into the lining of her mouth via her salivary glands.

Food
- The wax for lining Cups of Noodles will build up in your internal organs causing serious problems later in life.
- There was once a finger found in a jar of Vlassic Pickles.
- Gerber Baby-Food was reciently sued for falsly advertising "all natural ingredients" and lost. They now owe every child born between 1985 and 1997 a $500 savings bond. - Hostess Twinkies aren't bakded, they are set like Jell-O.

Drinks

Coca-Cola

- It became a carbonated drink when a soda man accidently mixed Coca-Cola syrup with soda water.
- A man bought a bottle of Coca-Cola that tasted really weird. He looked closer and found a dead mouse in the bottom of the bottle.
- The New Coke fiasco was actaully a marking ploy.
- Douching with Coca-Cola will prevent pregnancy.
- Leaving a tooth over night in a glass of Coca-Cola will dissolve. - The modern image of Santa Clause in a red and white suit is derived from advertising illustrations created for the Coca-Cola comanpy.

Evian

- Spelled backwards, you get "NAIVE" for the people who will pay $2 for a bottle of water are.

Snapple

- They support a right-winged organization called Operation Rescue, that tried to shut down women's health clinics and the Ku Klux Klan, another right-wing group.
- The ship on the lable is a slave ship.

Tropical Fantasy

- An inexpendive fruit drinnk that is marked in mainly inner city/low income areas is owned by the Ku Klux Klan and contains a drug that causes sterility.

Corona

- The secret ingredient is urine.

Dr Pepper

- During the regular six month cleaning of the vats the soda is mixed in, the decaying body of a missin worker was found in the bottom. His tie can still be found wrapped around a bar of the stirring machine.

Escaped Mental Patients

The Killer in the Back Seat - A young woman was geting into her car at a gas station and she noticed a creepy looking guy with a strange look on his face moving towards her quickly. She had heard of a man on the raido that had escaped from a mental instatution that was killing people. She got in her car and drove off fast. She then noticed the creepy man was following her in car! She paniced and drove home as fast as she could, swerved into the driveway and yelled for her husband. Just then the creepy man pulled in behind her and yelled "Lady! There's someone hiding in your back seat!"

Death of a Roommate - A young coed was laying in her room alone one night. He roomate had told her she oudl be back late. When the coed heard a gurgling coming toward the room, she got scared. She jumed into the closet and locked the door. The sound came closer until it was obvious that it was right uotside the door. Then whatever it was began to scratch the door. It didn't stop for what seemed like a long time. Even when it had stopped, the scared girl was afaid to move. Eventually she fell asleep curled up in the closet. The next morning she opened the door to find her roomate laying dead, her throat cut and her fingers and nails bloody from scratching the door for help.

Death of a Roommate 2 - A young coed was returning from a night out with her friends and didn't want to disturb her sleeping roomate. She crepy into the reoom and found her way in the darkness. She undressed and slid into bed. The next morning she awoke to say something to her roomate, and saw her mangled body in the bloody bed. Written in her roomate's blood on the wall were the words "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?"

Emails

AOL Charging for IMs - The email:
Subject: AOL is taking away instant messenger!

Dear America Online and Instant Messages users
Our america online staff is planning to take away im by July 14th 2000. If you want to keep our im free of charge, send ths email to everyone you know. it will be used as a petition. EAch person you send this to counts as one "signature" If this petition gets 100,000 "signatures they will keep AOL im. If they do not recieve 100,000 votes you will have to pay 15.00 to have im.(per month) If you don't care about about this then please for everyones sake help out a little. THank you for your time and consideration and please help Aol beat thier vote.

Killer Comet - The email:
Subject: Possible earth impacting asteroid: 2001PM9

Sorry to be the one to break this news, but a new Earth Impactor Asteroid has just been announced by NEODys, and this one...

1) Is very big

2) Is on the same order of magnitude [and] impact probability as 2001AV43

3) Will possibly impact the Earth in the very near future!

Let me introduce you to Asteroid 2001PM9.

a) Discovered on August 11, 2001 and observed up until August 16th. Its orbit was computed and posted today.

b) It's Absolute Magnitude suggests it is anywhere from 530m to 1.2km in diameter...that's up to nearly 3/4 of a mile in diameter!

c) It will make a relatively close pass to within .089AU on May 10, 2003. The first possible impact date calculated and the one with the highest probability of occurring is set for June 17, 2005. If it misses Earth on that pass there are another 28 possible impact dates calculated between 2005 and 2079.

Dear Readers, following are some facts that ought to set you right back in your chair, grow you some grey hairs - or cause a certain amount of lost sleep.

If 2001PM9 impacts the Earth...

1. It will be the kind of impact event that only happens once every 25,000 to 500,000 years.

2. It will impact with a force of somewhere between 100,000 to 800,000 Megatons

3. It will be somewhere between a "Large Sub-Global Event" to a "Nominal Global Effect Threshold" Event.

4. It is estimated that an impact of this order would result in the loss of anywhere between 500,000 and 1.5 Billion lives (depending on exactly where it hit).

Ladies and Gentlemen, if and when 2001PM9 impacts the Earth...

a) If it hits in the Ocean tsunamis could reach "global scale".

b) If it hits land it could completely destroy an area the size of California

c) Could raise enough dust to affect the climate and freeze crops.

d) Create a crater up to 30 km in diameter (18 miles across).

e) Cause ozone layer destruction on a global scale.

If you worried a little about 1998OX4 and 2001AV43...be very concerned about this one.

We really need to push the button on this one (get the word out and get a lot more information).

Breast Cancer Funds The email:
Subject: One click donates $1-It Only Takes A Moment

Another good one!!

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Yahoo is donating $1 for every click on the pink ribbon at this site. It's on the left side in the margin.

Please pass this on to your friends and family. Every dollar counts.
Thanks.
http://health.yahoo.com/

Breast Cancer Funds 2 The email:
Subject: Fw: URGENT -- Tuesday, October 24th

On Tuesday, October 24, the NFL is sponsoring Breast Cancer Awareness Day. On that day (and that day only) every time a user logs onto NFL.com and visits the "NFL for Her" page, the NFL will donate $5 directly to the Susan G. Komen Foundation (up to $50,000).

That's five dollars for EACH and EVERY user that logs onto the website on Tuesday, Oct. 24. And all you have to do is log on. There is no further action required. If you want to really make a difference, you can foward this message on to everyone in your e-mail address book!

This is a wonderful opportunity to join in the fight against breast cancer and make a very real difference with just a tiny amount of effort. The link is: http://www.nfl.com/nflforher/komen/index.html.

COMMENTS: Both of the Breast Cancer Funds are TRUE, BUT outdated.

Columbine High Emails The emails:
1.) Hello All! I'm sure by now you've all heard the tragic news by now about whats going on in Littleton, CO. As of right now, there are 25 confirmed dead CHILDREN and faculty and over 30 critically injured in yet another (High) school shooting spree. I'm asking you, as fellow members and friends to please pray and keep in your hearts these poor families of the victims. Yes, you may consider this a 'chain letter'. Please follow in my lead and sign your name to the bottom of this mail, and FWD. it to EVERYONE you know. Maybe one day it will make it to one of them, so that they may know that they are in our hearts and prayers. I really appreciate this you guys.

Thank you and may God be with ALL of you always.

COMMENTS: Most people would think the that confirmed 25 dead children is the biggest part of the chain letter. It's really not that big of a deal to us in Colorado. I went to a school in the same county as Columbine, and I had gotten lucky and gotten out of the school before they went on lock down. I went to work. I turned on the radio in my "class" it was daycare, and I heard the news, at first they believed the death toll to be almost just that high, also they thought there was about 13 killers in the school.

2.) FW: Prayer for Columbine High
To everyone who reads this:

My name is Jayson Martin from Littleton, Colorado, I would like for anyone who reads this to please write their name down. I would like to send prayers out to my friends who were in Columbine H.S. I would like everyone to please say a prayer for the safety of everyone who was involved in this terrible tragedy. it is something that has hurt me today as well as my friends, I'm grateful for my safety and their safety. Please Forward this to as many people as you can, let us all come together and pray that this tragedy ends soon. Thank you. ***Copy this letter, add your name and forward it to as many people as you know. thank you.

3.) Subject: kids of colunbine
This is a special forward.
This forward is dedicated to all of the students of Littleton, Colorado.
For every person this forward is sent to The City of Denver, Colrado will give .25 cents to the town of Littleton. Now this may not seem like much to you, but as soon as this gets around it all starts to add up. Please. If you just take the time to send this it will help the victims of the terrible incident that happened today. Send this to as many people you can and start building a new hope for the students..

Sgt. Alan Davis
The City of Denver

Prayer Request The email:
Subject: Prayer Request

Dear Friends and Family,

The prayer for this Southern Baptist Missionary needs to be forwarded to everyone you know that can pray. Pray diligently and then send it along today!!!!

Ezekiel David Allen is a young missionary on the Chiang Mai,Thailand mission team. He is critically ill with an unknown parasite and apparently WILL DIE WITHIN TWO MONTHS unless there is an intervention by the Lord.

Please help create a global blanket of prayer for David, Michelle, and their four-month old daughter, Brianna.

From: David Allen:

My condition is serious now. The body is beginning to break down because I have no more fat or nutrient reserves. My diet consists mostly of vegetable broth, Gatorade, and saltine crackers. I tried homemade bread a few weeks ago and ended up in the emergency room. I am in constant pain and have taken painkillers regularly. The severe diarrhea has continued for seven weeks, and I have been in the emergency room five times.

In the last three days, there have been sharp pains in my kidneys so they are running tests to see if my kid neys are infected. So far, eight doctors have not been able to diagnose the parasites. One lab in Dallas thought they had a positive diagnosis (a rare parasite called cryptosporidium), but the Public Health Center of Disease Control in Houston said it was an incorrect diagnosis. They have found agents, but no one has ever seen them before or can identify them. One is a parasite, and the other looks more like an amoeba.

One of the effects of the parasites is to prevent my GI from absorbing nutrition. The CDC in Atlanta is three to six months behind, so they cannot help in time. My doctors are trying everyone else. They are in contact with one of the top infectious disease doctors in Thailand and several of the experts here in the states. I believe that the pictures of the parasites are to be passed around until someone can identity them.

I am not doing well. I feel like I am in a very dark valley right now. I have been praying for so long for help with no response that I have become discouraged in prayer. This is a first for me in my life. Michelle and my parents are being a tremendous support for me, but they are having a hard time seeing me suffer so much. My prayers now are very elemental "Father, save me!" But the pain continues each day, and I continue to lose weight.

Please pray not only for my body but for my spirit. I have not known fear like this before. I don't want to be fearful, and I don't need to be fearful because I am confident in my salvation. I think my fear is related more to the thought of not being with my wife and the new baby. This was the happiest time of my life before I became sick

David Allen

We are encouraging everyone we know to lift up David and his family before the Lord of Lords. Please forward this message to those you think will join us in this global chain of prayer.

Thanks,
INTERNATIONAL MISSION BOARD, SBC
Southern Africa Regional Office
PO Box A-614, Avondale

Life is good because God IS.

P.S. Please send this out to all your friends, sisters, brothers, and other relatives.

COMMENTS: David is a real person, his story is real. But what is not, it is still circluating. He has gotten over 7,000 emails, his parents were getting phone calls from morning to evening. David is raplidly returning to health now.

Abercrombie & Fitch The email:
Hello everyone! My name is Amber McClurkin. You have probably heard about the email from Gap offering free clothes to anyone who will forward the message on. Well, I am the founder of Abercrombie and Fitch, and I am willing to make a better deal with you. You will receive a twenty-five dollar gift certificate for every five people you forward this to. This is a sales promotion in order to get our name our name out to young people around the world. We believe this project can be a success, but only with your help. Thank you for your support !!
Sincerely,
Amber McClurkin
Founder of Abercrombie and Fitch

COMMENTS: Well, Amver McClurkin is not the founder of Abercrombie & Fitch, the over 100 year old company...

AOL/Intel Merger The email:
I'm an attorney, and I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing an multimillion dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by Pepsico against General Electric not too long ago. I'll be damned if we're all going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting alittle something for our time. My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid In Full". Like I said before, I know the law, and this is for real. If you don't believe me you can email her at jpiltman@baylor.edu . She's eager to answer any questions you guys might have. Thanks, Dirk. I know I'm already in.

Moore, Dirk wrote: If you don't do this, you must be really, really dumb.
From: James M. Schwarnica

This is not a joke. I am forwarding this because the person who sent it to me is a good friend and does not send me junk. Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the most widely used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period.

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $203.15, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $156.29 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $17.65 Within two weeks, Intel will contact you for your address and then send you a check. I thought this was a scam myself, but a friend of my good friend's Aunt Patricia, who works at Intel actually got a check for $4,543.23 by forwarding this e-mail.

Try it, what have you got to lose????

AOL/Intel Merger 2 The email:
Subject: Fwd: FW: Could It Be Real????????
Subject: Real Money

I'm an attorney, and I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing an multimillion dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by Pepsico against General Electric not too long ago. I'll be damned if we're all going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time.

My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid In Full". Like I said before, I know the law, and this is for real. If you don't believe me you can e-mail her at jpiltman@baylor.edu. She's eager to answer any questions you guys might have.

This is not a joke. I am forwarding this because the person who sent it to me is a good friend and does not send me junk. Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the most widely used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $203.15, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $156.29 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $17.65. Within two weeks,Intel will contact you for your address and then send you a check. I thought this was a scam myself, but a friend of my good friend's Aunt Patricia, who works at Intel actually got a check for $4,543.23 by forwarding this e-mail.

Try it, what have you got to lose????

There are about a million of these email hoaxes, I could go on for days...

Get a laugh

The train stops here - A man was riding a train to an important dinner one night when he has realized he was on hte wrong train. So when he saw his stoip nearing, the man got in a doorway and readied to jump, not wanting to miss his important dinner. As he started to run and took his jump, and landed on the ground running. Before he could stop himself a conductor standing in a passing car grabbed his collar and pulled him back into the train. He said, "You're lucky I saw you, don't you know the train doesn't stop here?"

Hitting Note - A man returned from shopping to find that his car had been hit and there was a dent. There was no one in sight. He was getting a little angry that someone would hit and run. As he got closer to his car he started to feel relieved. He noticed a note under his windsheild wiper. He started to feel bad for doubting the honesty of the average person. He pulled the note free and read it which said "The people watching me think I am leaving my name and address, but I'm not."

The Perfect Bird - A man had sent his mom a very expencive bird that was tought to quote all her favorite bible verses. When he later asked her what she thought of the bird, she said "Delicious."

Feeling the Mechanic - A woman returned home one day to discover some hairly legs sticking out from under one of the family cars. The woman thought that her husband finally got around to fixing the car. She reached up his leg and gave him a "bit of a fondle." Then she walked into the kitchen to see her husband standing there. Very embarrassed she ran back out to the car where she found the mechanic under the car passed out from hitting his head in surprise of her act.

Love Notes in Court - A female witness was too embarrassed to repeat the obscenity the defendany had said to her, so the judge told her to write it down. She did, and the judge told the jury to pass it around for everyone to read. The last man in the jury had fallen asleep, so the very pretty young woman next to him woke him up and handed him the note. He read it, very shocked and started to fold it up. The judge asked that he would hand it to the bailiff. The man replied "Your honor, I am sorry but this note is a private matter between the young lady and myself."

Car Farts - A woman was very nervous about her first date with a man that she had been attracted to for a long time. When he came to the door, she had started to feel gassy and thought to herself that the chili that she had for lunch wasn't a good idea. Being a polite gentalman, he carefully put her in the car and shut the door just then she farted loudly and quickly opened the window and began fanning it out the window. She was horrified when he got in and pointed to the backseat saying "Have you met Ruth and Bob?"

Shocking Music - A woman came home one day to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to get him away from the jolts, she gradded a 2x4 and smacked him with it. Breaking his arm in 2 places. Until that moment of being hit with a 2x4, he had been happly listening to his walkman.

Busy Hands - As an attractive female hair dresser was cleaning up shop to close a sweaty little man knocked on the door and asked if her could please get a quick trim. She didn't want to, but she did to be polite. She quickly began to cut his hair. As she was finishing up she noticed that under the covering that she had put on him to catch the hair his hands were moving up and down in his lap. Furious, she grabbed a large curling iron from the shelf and knocked him out. She called the police and when they arrived they had asked why she had attacked him. She told them to look under the sheet. The offiicer pulled the sheet away and said "Lady, there is no law agaisnt a man polishing his eyeglasses."

Red Handed - A drunk man was pulled over one night by a police officer. As he was trying to walk a straight line the officer heard a crash in a new by ally. The officer told the man to wait there and he would be back. The man thought it was silly after waiting a while to keep waiting. So he decided just to drive home. The next day the officer showed up at the man's house. But the man stuck to his story that he was home all night. The policeman demanded that he open the garage door. The man did, wondering what the policeman hoped to find. He realized his mistake when he saw the police car in his garage. The policeman was too embarassed that he didn't take the man in or press charges.

Lifted Wallet - A man was going for his daily jog when another jogger lightly bumped into him. The other jogger excused himself and jogged off. Already annoyed the man noticed his wallet was missing, so he ran quickly after the other jogger, he cought up to him and tackled him, yelling "Give me that wallet!" The frightened pickpocket gave it up and ran off. When the man returned home his wife asked him if he had stopped at the store. Anxious to tell her his story he said "No, but I have a good excuse!" His wife answered him by saying "I know, you left your wallet on the dresser."

Young VS Old - An old lady was waiting for a car to pull out of a parking space at a crowded grocery store one day. When the car had pulled out and she was getting ready to pull in, another car darted in the space before she did. A teenager hopped out of the car and said to the old woman "I am younger and faster than you lady." The old woman sat there for a second and then rammed the kid's car. As she backs uo and gets ready to drive off, she yells at the teen, "I am older and better insured than you kid."

Global

Australia
Almonds - An employee at a nursing home was regularly offered a large jar of almonds by one of her very elderly male patients. She apprecated the gifts because she loved almonds. But she had to put her foot down. It wasn't really right for a patient to keep giving her gifts. When she spoke with him about it, he said "Oh the almonds? They didn't cost me. My family likes to bring me chocolate coated almonds everytime they visit. But I can't chew them, so I just suck off all the chocolate."

South Africa
Helpful Kids - A woman had just finished shopping when a group of homeless children offered to help her to her car. She accepted and when they were done, one of them asked her for a tip. Which she had also agreed to. While she drove off, a man ran up to her car and said she should go straight to the police station. One of the children locked himself in the trunk of her car and was going to attack her later with a knife.

U.K.
No one is allowed to die in the House of Commons.

An Oxford/Cambridge philosophy paper once only asked one question "Is this a question?" A student who answered "No, but this is an answer," got an 'A'

Rolls Royce production plants around the country are actaully a secret nuclear weapon facility.

Brazil
Harvested Children - Homeless children are "adopted" by a U.S. or European agency where they are put into comas and their organs are harvested as needed by the wealthy.

Internet

Bogus Websites -

Bonsai Kitten - This is a sick site, but thankfully it is NOT real. It is a site about putting cats and kittens into jars as a art. If you pay close attention to the pictures of the cats, they are always from the same angle and there is one that shows them "setting up" the jar while the cat is in it for the cat to live in. Um, you can tell the tubes aren't actaully in the cat. Also I had first seen this page YEARS ago, and the pictures havn't changed, nor have any been added.... Not only that but investigations by the FBI were conducted of this site.

Other Internet Legends -

Microsoft is marketing the iLoo, an Internet-capable portable toilet.

Joining Word-of-Mouth.Org will enable you to find out what others are saying about you.

Japanese software replaces Microsoft error messages with haiku poetry. (That would be nice though wouldn't it?)

Elfbowling and Frogapult - ATTENTION!!

Please delete the Elf Bowling game from your system and advise those who you may have forwarded it to to delete it as well. Apparently, it contains a virus that will be activated on Christmas Day. For your info this was detected by the royal bank of Scotland’s virus shield, so trust it’s judgement!!!!

TO ALL

IF YOU HAVE RECEIVED ANY OF THESE GAME
FROGAPULT.EXE
ELFBOWL.EXE
(FROG GAME) & (ELF BOWLING GAME)
PLEASE CAN YOU DELETE THEM COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM AS THEY BOTH HAVE A DELAYED VIRUS ATTACHED TO THEM THAT WILL BE ACTIVATED ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND WILL WIPE OUT YOUR SYSTEM.

LET EVERYONE KNOW OF THIS

Before anyone does worry, or want to correct me, this is NOT in the truth area, so it's not true!

Legal

The Law - Driving with no shoes is illegal.

Sea captains by their own authority can perform marriages.

Legal Professions - An undercover officer must answer "Yes" to the question "Are you a cop?" to avoid entrapment. (Sounds good, but its not entrapment if they aren't making the person do the crime)

The U.S. has 70% of the world's lawyers.

Interstate Landing - American interstates are designs so that every fifth mile is perfectly straight and flat so that a place can land there if necessart during a war.

Rather Creepy

Drinking and Driving - A man came home very drunk one night after a night out with his buddies. She was very angery with him and complained how his behavior was and how she worried about hom he makes it home so drunk. He said he had no memory of the night before and said he had never had a problem before. As he pulled out of the garage to go to work, his wife who was still angry at him but watched as he left started to scream. There had beena little girl crushed in the grill of the car.

The Chattoom - A young boy hd met a new friend on a chatroom. He and his new friend chatted a lot. They lived in different states but the man was going to come for a visit soon. The boy became very confused and scared about the visit so he told his dad everything. His dad became alarmed and called the police who traced the man. Turned out he was in a local prison and was due for release soon.

AIDS Mary - A young man met a very pretty girl at a club one night and they went back to his house that night. During the evening she had said she had been raped but was overcoming the resentment and fear, and was finally enjoying sex agian. The next morning he woke to her already gone. When he went into the bathroom he met the mirror which had writing in lipstick which read "Welcome to the AIDS club."

Prophet Hitchhiker - During WWII a coupel driving on a highway picked up a hitchhiker. He was very quiet during the ride but at the end he thanked them for the ride and he said they could ask him any question. So the man asked "When will the war end?" The man replied, "In July. And by the night's end you will have a dead man in your car." The couple said good bye and drove off and felt very uneasy. Before they got to their home they saw a wrecked ambulance in the road. They picked up the driver and badly hurt patient that was in the ambulance and they drove to the hospital. By the time they reached the hospital the patient had already died. As they over came the shock, the had regretted they didn't ask the hitchhiker what year the war would end.

Bloody Mary - If you stand at a mirror in a dark room and chant "Bloody Mary" 12 times at night, a face a a hideius woman will appear in the mirror. There is a few different verisons to this and it is different who the woman is. But in truth the one that is "Bloody Mary" is Mary I, daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon because under her rule over 300 people were burned at the stake for heresy.

Mutilated Bride - A newly wed couple had been on their honeymoon in Paris. The bride went to the bathroom and never came back. The groom became worried and called the police. The thought it was cold feet but decided to investigate. They found no signs that there had been foul play. So the man tried to go on with life, not able to hold a job and not really going anywhere in life. He had decided to search the world to try to find his beloved wife. One day he saw a freak show that was in an old building. He walked in and in the last filthy cage was a twisted, scarred and mutilated woman rocking making weird animal noises. He started to scream when he noticed the birthmark that his wife had on her face.

Vanishing Hitchhiker - Two young men were driving one night when they noticed a girl on the side of the road cold and shivering. They stopped and picked her up. They gave her an overcoat to wear. They dropped her off at home but forgot the overcoat. So the next day they went to get the overcoat and to check on the girl. The woman who answered the door said her only daughter had died in a car accident years ago. To prove it to them she took them to her grave. On the grave was the overcoat neatly folded.

Arm Hungry - An unpopular med. student was being rather annoying to another group of students one day so they decided to play a trick on her. They stuck into her room after she had gone to bed and put a amputated arm into bed with her. The next morning they waited for her reaction and got none. They finally had gone up to see what was going on and they found her sitting in the bed, moaning and gurgling as she chewed on the arm.

Concerned Mom - A couple were driving down the road one day when a woman flagged them down saying that her car had wrecked and her baby was trapped inside the car. The man told his wife to stay while he checked it out. He saw two adults in the front who had been killed but the baby crying in the back seat. He had cut the baby out of the seat and went back to his car. His wife was alone, he handed her the baby and asked where the lady went. She said that the woman had followed him back to the car. He went back to look for her, but when he looked to the car, the woman who had flagged them down was one of the adults dead in the front seat.

Woman Hitchhiker - A young lady was driving alone on a highway one night when she saw a gray haired old woman slowly walking down the side of the road. She pulled over and offered the woman a ride. They made small talk and the old woman offered the young woman a stick of gum. The girl noticed that the old lady had a lot of hair on her hand, which was badly scarred and rather wide. Realizing she had made a mistake in picking up the woman, she swirved and said she thought she hit something. She stopped and aske the old lady if she would look. When the old lady was behind her car, she sped off. The girl started to feel really bad and thought she had been over reacting. She started to feel even worse when she noticed that the old woman's purse was sitting on the floor. She picked it up and saw that inside it was filled with wallets, watches, jewelry and other valuables and a large bloody knife.

Stamped Messsage - During a war a soldier wrote his mom all the time so she didn't worry. One week the letters stopped. She had gotten a letter from the army saying that he had been captured and placed in a P.O.W. camp, but not to worry because they had no reason to believe that they had been mistreating the American soldiers in the camps. The mom had recieved a letter from her son a short while later. It said "Dear Mom, Try not to worry about me, they are treating us well and I'll be released as soon as the war is over. Make sure that little Teddy gets the stamp for his collection. Love you, Joe" The woman was overjoyed to hear the news, but was confused because she had no idea who "little Teddy" was. She decided to steam the stamp from the envelope and have a look. When she did she saw that written on the back of the stamp were the words: "They've cut off my legs".

Revenge

Wedding Cheat - After a man and woman were pronounced man and wife, the man told everyone to look under their seats, there they would find an envelope with pictures of his wife and the best man cheating. He had found out about this earlier but decided to go through with the wedding so that her parents would pay for everything and everyone would knowthe truth. He got the wedding annuled the following Monday.

Time Please - A guy called his live in girlfriend and said he had met someone else and he wanted her to move out. He said he would be gone all weekend, plenty of time for her to move out with out him there. He expected to find the place trashed when he got back. But everything was fine. The phone was off the hook but that was all. He hung it up and didn't think much of it. When he got the phone bill he had found that his ex had hung up with him and for the whole weekend left the phone on China's "What time it is" line.

Sex

I have a Headache - A man and wife were supposed to go to a costume party together but when it came time for them to leave the woman said to go on with out her because she had a headache. The man finally left and the wife had been suspicious about him cheating so she put on a different costume and went to the party. When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a woman in a sexy costume. It made her a bit upset so she decided to slip in, she started dancing with him. Soon she had whispered in his ear that they should go sneak off to a bedroom. She made sure they left their masks on and they had sex. She then rushed home very mad at this point and waited for him to come home. When he got home, she asked if he had fun. He said no and that after a few minutes he and some other guys went across the street to play poker. He then added that the guy who had borrowed his comstume said he had a hell of a time though.

I have a Headache #2 - A husband and wife came home early one night to find their daughter having sex with her boyfriend on the couch. After the weird moments of dressing the boy went hom. The woman sat her daughter down for "the talk." When she got to the part about protection, the girl said not to worry because she had been using her mom's birth control pills. The mother asked hwy she had never noticed any missing. The daughter then told her that she had been replacing them with baby aspirin.

Honeymooners - A couple were celebrating their anniversary so they decided to stay in the same room where they had their honeymoon. The room was pretty much the same but there was a bit more wear and tear. The couple decided to use the machine that would play porno movies and they had realized that the room from the porno was the room that they were in. They had also realized that it was them from their honeymoon.

Pharmacist Help - A young boy was walking nervously around a pharmacy part of a store. The pharmacist asked the boy if he could help him. The boy wasn't sure what to say so he stumbled on his words a bit. The pharmacist grabbed a pack of condoms and asked the boy if that is what he was looking for. The teen said yes. The pharmacist was pretty amused and told the boy not to worry so much, he gave him some words of incouragement told the boy with a wink "I know you will become a regular customer." That evening the teen was feeling a bit more reassured and walked up to his girlfriend's door. But that confidence fadded when the father answered the door, it was the pharmacist with the reassuring advice.

Sneak In - A man had stayed out late one night and knew his wife would be mad. So he snuck in the window of their room to ravish her before she had a chance to be angry. His plan worked fine. Afterwords he went down stairs to get a drink, when he saw his wife sleeping on the couch. He asked rather urgently, "What are you doing down here?" She replied to him, "Shhhhh, my mom's sleeping upstairs in our bed."

Blind Man - A young woman was taking a shower when the doorbell rang. She jumped out to get it, but she couldn't find a towel. As she headed for her bedroom to grab something to wrap in, she called "Who's there?" A man answered back "The blind man." The woman assumed he just wanted to sell her somehting and figuring that he was blind, she didn't need to wrap up. So she answered the door. A man with a work uniform stood wide eyed and asked where she wanted her blinds hung.

Out Cold - A hotel worker had heard some screams for help from one of the hotel rooms. He got in the room to find a woman tied to the bed, and a man in a super hero costume who had hit his head during the sex game and left the poor woman helpless.

Love Bug - A young girl visits her doctor because she has had some itching in her private parts. She had never had sex with anyone but her boyfriend and was worried that he had given her something. After the doc examins her he says he will have to clal the police. He explains to her that she has maggots inside her and the only way that could happen is if her or her boyfriend had been having sex with corpses. She looked at the doctor horrified and faintly whispers "My boyfriend works in a morgue."

Go team! - A woman was doing her laundry in the basement of her apartment building early one morning. She had noticed that the robe she had been wearing was pretty durty itself. Since it was early, she decided that she could wash that too. She was standing there doing her laundry naked, when something dripped on her head. She had noticed some dirty water leaking from the celing abover her head. She found a childs football helmet in the corner of the room so she put it on to keep the water off her head. Just then a man walked in to read the meters, he looked at her with out even blinking and said "Lady, I don't know what kind of a game you are playing, but I sure hope your team wins!"

Star Studded Legends

Blair Witch Project
There is a legend of the Blair Witch.
The film, was actaully true and it was found just where the movie says, in some rocks a couple of years after the students disappeared.
The movie is based on ture accounts, such as the serial killer.

The Beatles
Paul died in a car accident and was actually replaced with the winner of a look alike contest.
The song title of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was chosen because the initals were LSD.
The Butcher cover was a protest against Capitol Records' butchery of their music in the U.S.

Green Acres
The cast had eaten Arnold Ziffel after the filming of the last episode.

The Crow
The part in which Brandon Lee was fatally shot was left in the final cut of the movie.

Mariah Carey
In a 1996 interview she was quoted as saying "When I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean, I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

Lauryn Hill & The Fugees Quotes
"If I'd known white people were going to buy my last album, I never would have recorded it."
"I would rather have my children starve than have white people buy my albums."
"I would rather die than have a white person buy one of my albums."

Cosby and the Little Rascals
Bill Cosby bought the rights to The Little Rascals to keep them off the air because of a racist portrayal of African-Americans.

Jamie Lee Curtis
She admited on a talk show that she was born a hermaphrodite.

Michael Jackson
His phone number was in the UPC (Universal Product Code) of the Thriller album cover.
Michael Jackson has a prosthetic nose and it fell off during a recent TV special

Harry Potter
J.K. Rowling is a satanist and were designed to attract young children to satanism.
J.K. Rowling stole the Harry Potter ideas from another woman. *NOTE* Even if she did, do you think the other woman would have been able to write half as well as she does?

Wizard of OZ
In one scene from The Wizard of Oz you can see someone in the background hang themselves. (I've looked, I don't see anything)

Killers
Charles Manson auditioned for the Monkees, but didn't make it.
Debbie Harry lead singer of Blondie was abducted by Ted Bundy and barely escaped with her life.

Marilyn Manson
He was Paul from the Wonder Years.
Marilyn Manson slaughters puppies as part of his stage show.
Marilyn Manson became Evil Incarnate because a church youth group shunned him.

Al Gore
Claimed that he invented the internet.

Songs
Phil Collins' song In the Air Tonight is about witnessing his brother's drowning.
Phil Collins' song In the Air Tonight is about a man who witnessed a drowning but didn't help, after hearing the song the witness committed suicide.
Phil Collins' song In the Air Tonight is about the man who raped Phil's wife.
Phil Collins' song "In the Air Tonight" is about his first wife leaving him.
The Ohio Players' song Love Rollercoaster contains the scream of a woman being murdered.

Sesame Street
Bert and Ernie are gay.
Ernie is going to die in a future episode, usually of AIDS.
Sesame Street is being canceled.

311
The 311 is to 3 Ks, the 11th letter in the alphabet, to show their support to the Ku Klux Klan.

The Bachelor
The Bachelor's Alex Michel was pressured by the network to pick the underdog rather than the woman he wanted.
The Bachelor's Aaron Buerge got three contestants from the show pregnant.

Blue's Clues
"Steve" died of a heroin overdose and was replaced by a look-alike. (Last I saw he was in a band.)

Leave It to Beaver
Leave It to Beaver star Jerry Mathers was killed in Vietnam.

Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe had six toes on each foot.
Marilyn Monroe was the model for Tinker Bell in Disney's version of Peter Pan.

Goldfinger
An actress in Goldfinger died from asphyxiation after being covered with gold paint.

Truths

Animals -
Rats don't vomit
Dogs can vomit at will, they don't eat grass to make themselves vomit

Cars -
A complicated Honda Accord commercial required 606 takes to get right and was achieved without the use of computer-generated images.
Cars have been stolen by thieves who wrote down VINs and used them to obtain duplicate keys through auto dealerships.
Motorist caught speeding by photo radar pays fine with picture of money; police send him photo of handcuffs in return.
A man got a license plate by a bit of an accident called "NO PLATE" and received dozens of parking tickets. When police officers write tickets and there is no license plate they just write "NO PLATE" so this man was getting all the "NO PLATE" tickets.
The man who penned the first traffic laws never drove a car himself.
Florida motorists can block the DMV from disclosing their motor vehicle and driver license records.

College/School -
Students at a religious institute enrolled in a class of the life of Jesus. They arrived at their class to take a final exam and found a note that informed them that they would be taking the exam in a different class on the other side of campus. On the way there was a homeless man asking for help. None of them stoped to help the man, in a hurry to arrive in time of the exam. The instructor was waiting, when they entered they found that the beggar was an actor planted by the instuctor that was to test them. Since none of the student demonstrated that they had learned anything by studying the life of Jesus they all failed the test.

A student arrived late for math class and found two problems written on the chalkboard. Assuming they're homework problems, he jots them down in his notebook and works on the equations over the next few days before turning his solutions in to the instructor. Several weeks later, the professor turns up at the student's door with the student's work written up for publication. The two problems were not a homework assignment; they were problems previously thought to be unsolvable that the instructor had used as examples in his lecture that day.

Celebrities -
The phrase: "In like Flynn" is referring to Errol Flynn's acquittal on statutory rape charges.
Charlie Chaplin once lost a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
Charlie Chaplin's remains were stolen and held for ransom.

Snuff Films -
No American law enforcement agency has ever found an actual "snuff" film.

Disney -
Disney parks are riddled with secret tunnels and surveillance equipment.
There is a secret "Club 33" serving hard liquor, in New Orleans Square, Disneyland.
Science Fiction author Harlan Ellison was fired his first day on the job at Disney Studios for making jokes about a Disney porn film that should be made.
During the filming of the 1958 Disney nature documentary White Wilderness, the film crew induced lemmings into jumping off a cliff and into the sea in order to document their supposedly suicidal behavior.
As if killing Old Yeller and Bambi's mom wasn't a good enough reason for me to hate them.
Disneyland's dress code used to exclude men with long hair from the park.
The photographic image of a topless woman can be spotted in the background of The Rescuers.
Disney produced an animated film called The Story of Menstruation.

Drugs -
In a 1989 experiment by Miami toxicologist Dr. William Hearn, who gathered 135 dollar bills from banks in twelve cities. 131 had traces of cocaine.
The drug Premarin is made from pregnant horse urine.

Government & the Law -
Many CIA and other government agencies' snackbars are staffed by blind people to help maintain secrecy and security.
There are traffic lights with green on top in a few US Irish neighborhoods.
Some animal shelters have prohibited the adoption of cats during Halloween to avoid cruelty by "Satanists."
The state of Kanses has outlawed the teaching of evolution because God told them to.

The Military -
In the training program for Green Beret medical specialists, trainees are isseud a goat which they are ordered to wound, then repair several times during the course. After graduation, the students and staff have a big barbecue.
In a combat unit, the newest, lowest ranking soldier is assigned to use the mine-detection equipment because if he gets blown up, the unit doesn't lose an experienced soldier.
A soldier can be brought up on charges of negegience and damage to goverment property if he or she gets a bad sunburn or a venerial disease.
Up until tye 1970s, the Army issued condoms to soldiers going on field exercises. Not for 'protection purposes' but as an inexpensive, disposable cover for rifle muzzles. They were very effective and in an emergency, you could shoot through them.

Products -
The Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi generation" was translated in Taiwan to mean "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
BMW's Middle-East website's maps don't recognize Israel.
The Coca-Cola corporation sends people around the country ordering "Coke" at restaurants. If it isn't real Coke they send the restaurant a letter reminding them that "Coke" refers to soft drinks made by Coca-Cola, not Pepsi or anyone else.
Graham Crackers were originally intended to suppress sexual appetites.
Two Marlboro Men have died of lung cancer.
McDonald's is importing "lean-beef" to subsidize it's American beef suppliers, despite the risk of Mad-Cow disease.
Most mass-market beers contain "foaming agents" to make them form a head.
Woman removes label from "tuna" can, finds cat food label underneath. The cat food actually was tuna canned 6 years earlier in Canada, declared unfit for human consumption, allowed to be exported as pet food, and then illegally relabeled as tuna again. (Toronto Star, March 24, 1992)
Baush & Lomb markets the same soft contact lenses under different brand names, at different prices, and with different recommended wearing times
Airplane manufacturers have a gun that fires dead chickens to test planes' windshields.
Starbucks sold cases of water to emergency services for $130 during the WTC collapse.
Starbucks pulled a poster that had two cups and a mosquito flying toward them because it was reminiscent of the WTC attacks.

Sex - A couple had oral sex, then sex and then started smoking on a U.K. train. The crew ignored complaints until they started smoking.

The Body in the Bed - A man and his wife were vacationing in Las Vegas and as they arrived in their room they found it was filled with an overpowering stench. They called the front desk to complain, and headed for the casinos for some late-night gambling while the problem was taken care of. When they returned to the room, the stench was replaced with the strong smell of chemical cleaners and deodorizers, annoyed but satisfied that it was better than before they went to bed. Early in the morning the smell had returned so strongly that it awakened them, the man called the manager and angrily demanded another room immediately. While his wife packed up their stuff the man ripped the sheets off the bed, where the smell seemed to be coming from. He found that the mattress had been cut open and a well-dressed corpse had been shoved inside. The couple were given a complimentary suite and free passes to the shows.

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